Reflections of Farewell

No Other Option

In Afghanistan, I was a news anchor and political presenter. My show was every day on the TV and every day I was with the people of Afghanistan. I was like a famous face for my peoples. When the Taliban took control of Afghanistan. It was hard for me to believe again in Afghanistan.

I interviewed several members of the Taliban. I talk with them that what is the reason that you guys are killing the people and they didn't like these types of my questions. That's why I am asking like this.

Three times, actually, they tried to kill me. Once times they had a bomb blasting in our station that I work. That's two terrorists. They came inside and they blast himself. And lots of coworkers of us, they died and some of them injured. And I was one of them that, I injured.

They tried to kidnap me and they shoot on me. I have like two bullets in my back. In Afghanistan, your gambling for your life, if you will, be a journalist.

I was in touch with the US Embassy that I need to leave Afghanistan as soon as possible. I got an email that, "Hey Bellal, you're ready for departure and as soon as possible you should come to the airport. And I told my mom and she cried. She was so happy at that times. And also she was so sad.

We left everything behind back in Afghanistan. And in here, I am not here anymore famous.

I have two small kids. One is going to pre-K to school and the other is at home. And my wife, she take care of that and I am going for my job and just we start a normal life in here.

I am not an anchor anymore in here right now. I am working behind of the scenes.

I am an educated persons and I am I worked for the media for several years. I am trying to first improve my English and after that I try to be a news anchor again we are trying to set our life in here and it’s fine

Lost Connection

I met Maria when we were eight or seven years old. We lived close enough where we could bike to each other's houses. So over summer time we would just constantly be hanging out together. We'd rather almost do nothing together, then not be together. And I can just remember, like, the tungsten lighting in her kitchen and baking I movie dance routines.

We met because our brothers were playing football. I never had a sister. I mean, me and my brother are so different. She was my sister and I was hers.

Sometimes she couldn't come because she had cheer practice. I liked hanging out with her, so my mom put me in cheer. I got appointed cheer captain Senior year of high school for football season.

Her mom didn't like that I was cheer captain and Maria wasn't. She just stopped talking to me. I have a feeling she probably believed that she deserved it, too.

We had been friends for ten years. I didn't think that she would just completely like, you know, drop everything for it. And then, you know, I went to college. I really thought about it. I'm like, I haven't talked to Maria in, like, a year. And I texted her and she never responded to that.

And then that was, I think, the last time I ever contacted her, because I had realized that she didn't want to reconnect.

Through and through she was my sister. It’s like that's like that sister died. And it's weird because it's almost like she haunts me because she's still alive.

I always drive by by her house. I just wonder about just where she wants to take her life. She was just like, the coolest girl. And I was always just curious what she wanted to do. And I never really found out.

I can't hold on to people who don't want to hold on to me. And I really realized that a lot of people come and go in life.

In Search Of Self

My absolute biggest purpose in life has been for so long to come to us for college.

When I was six, my father took me to the dentist. It was my first time there. I was screaming. I was crying. My father was trying to calm me down. He started showing me some picture from a traveling magazine, and the whole magazine was talking about America.

And I vividly remember on the left side, it was the Manhattan skyline. On the right side, it was the Golden Gate Bridge. Then there was like a family with, like a nice home. It's like the classic, like white fenced home. One dog, two kids.

I felt like, I just belonged there. That day was definitely a life changing moment.

When I was in high school and I didn't want to study, in my mind I was like, If I don't study, I won't be able to do this. Like, that's terrible. So I remember I got accepted to like a couple of colleges.

Mostly, actually, people were telling me to, like, just stay in Turkey. If I didn't have this crazy obsession of coming here and really, I guess, inventing myself and doing all these things, I would never do it. And I just came to an entirely different place and started everything from scratch.

When I was in high school, even like saying hi to someone that I didn't know was like a struggle. But I never had that sense of deep connection with someone. So I always thought, like, coming to here and starting over, I can change that to.

I feel like the whole American dream is literally what I resonate with myself. I became the vice president of my fraternity. I became like one of the top managers in my job.

I realized this moment when I was walking around. I swear, like every person that just passed by knew my name and they're like, Hey, Bertan, how's it going? I'll give high fives. I'll be like, Hey, how's it going? It just occurred to me, like at that moment I was like, I'm connected with these individuals and I'm like, I made it. Like, this is all I ever could have imagined.

And in the process of becoming this extroverted individual, I created a lot of shallow relationships with my friends.

They're my friends. I know they say hi to me, but I think now that I passed that like barrier of having that bare minimum, right, I feel like I'm not really connected to anyone. When it comes to friendships, I feel like it's a different mentality in Turkey and in like Mediterranean countries as well. People are more connected and less individualistic.

When I need someone there for me. I'm the only person there.

The reason why this place became the land of opportunity is because people are individualistic. So I would never change it.

The Years That Are Left

I am always shocking people when they hear my age because they think I’m much younger. Even though I have a very wrinkly face!

I am ninety, a month away from being ninety one. And my age was something I was proud of always.

I never worried about getting older. My whole life was not built on the fact that I was gorgeous, because I wasn’t. But I was not ugly either. I occasionally took a great picture and I thought “Huh! I’m not bad looking at all”.

I did not think I was going to make the age of ninety. Because I remember being in elementary school and classmates losing their father when he was like fifty. My parents died, one was fifty nine and the other was sixty.

If you don’t know, watching life unfold before you, that the mother you loved, the father you loved-- they died! And it was hard, but you kept living and you had your own family.

I understand that all living things die. I accept it and I think that people that spend a great deal of time mourning or being afraid of or figuring they’d be lonely– are crazy!

I must be cold hearted but I do think I am logical. I’ve always thought I was logical and I do know that we are all going to die.